I'm in love with a CAT!
by Pixel Alice
Summary: A girl. A CURSED girl. She must find out who holds the key to her freedom. Or lack thereof. She meets the chosen one, but she has yet to find out. Will She? Or will she lead a life of lies, for she may never know.ItachixOc Done by my sister Kirsten not me
1. Chapter 1

**I want to make this clear. This is not my story its my sister Kirsten. She does not own Naruto**

**..:I'm...in love with...a CAT?!:..**

**(Itachi love story)**

**Chapter 1**

The dense forest is the only thing getting in my way of finding that one boy with that certain necklace. Sort of. I just got back from Iwagakure, and still no necklace! Dammit! I have been, practially, everywhere! Almost. NOW, time to go to Kusagakure! DAMN! I sure do wish there was something or someone to take my anger out on! I sigh, Being a cat sucks. Big hairy ones. What? I ment kiwis! Sickos. I chuckle a small kitty laugh. Well, no one takes me seriously. And even some drunk bastards KICK me and stuff! I HATE IT! Well at least I'm a black cat, to lurk in the shadows and 'kitty pounce' on my victems! Bwahaha! Boy, do I need a hobby or what! Hmm. I haven't lost any of my nine lives yet. That's good. I sigh again. But it was more of a yawn. Hmmm. Time for a little 'cat nap'. Damn, I do need a hobby.

I rest myself on the base of a tree. Not bothering to mask my preasance. Not like anybody is out here.

Yawn.

Someone's POV

Hoshigaki and I just came back from Amegakure going to a little place in between the Land of Fire and the Land of Wind. Back to the Akatsuki. But, Hoshigaki kept on complaining. With whining for food along with being tired, though it was dark out. To keep my self sane, more or less, we stopped. I ordered Hoshigaki to get some food, while I get some wood, for a nice big fire to keep us warm.

We walk our seperate ways. I cringe, slightly cursing myself. I could just imagine Hoshigaki bringing an aligator, or worse a rodent missing an eye! I inwardly shiver. How could I be so stupid. I reclaim my emotionless self and continue on. I felt a very strong sorce of chakra, but the being itself seems small-ish. It could be a ninja hound out on the prowl. I shrug but maybe Hoshigaki could eat it instead. I wondered if a ninja hound could be as strong as this presence. I kept walking silently towards it. Just beyond those bushes. I pull them back. I could hardly see anything but I could still sense it. I even heard it. A very small, bearly noticealbe... Purring?

... A little black cat. I curse again. What the hell. This chakra sorce came from... this... this THING?! I twitch. Eh. Might as well take it back to Hoshigaki. It was waking up. Pro'lly from my whispering curses.

"Nyaa?" It mewed, half asleep.

Chi's POV

I woke up from a whispering sound. I don't have cat like hearing for nothing! Eh. It's just some smelly stink human. Damn. I sound like that one cute show, eh, what was it? Invader Zim! Right. Heh heh. He glares. I glare. I was in no mood for a ... giggle Smelly stink human. It ruined my nappy! Rawr. I REALLY do need a hobby. My tummy rummbled. The hobby can wait. I really need food right now. The smelly stink human seemed perfectly fine. But it was staring at me. I even think it twitched. I got up, streched and made my way over to the smelly stink human. But haven't you ever noticed that humans are sort of smelly in their own way. We cats are clean creatures! What is wrong with me? First I was hissing at being a cat now I'm hissing at humans? What type of animal do I want to be anyway?! A mongoose?! Well that would be cool. Sort of.

I made my way over to the smelly stink human. It did nothing but stare at me. I was a little annoyed. Just a little bit. Not a whole lot. I rub against it's leg, carefully stepping over it's, uh, what do humans call them? Shoes! Damn I have been a cat for an Awful long time. I forgot what a shoe was!

It continues to stare. It then spoke.

"Listen cat. If you want to live I sugest you stop that." Ohhh. Touchy. Who spit in his creme brulee? Hmm?

:Food?: I asked in my native language. I don't know any other language. Other than Human but I'm not a human, now am I? Of course he couldn't understand me! Ha! I'm no human to mingle with such insolence. But meowing would sort of give a clew as to GIMME FOODS!

It's twitch doubled. It started to walk away. Eh. Ima follow it anyway. I actually masked my chakra this time.

It came to a clearing where a... What the hell is that? A fish? No not technically a fish... A Smelly stink human fish thing! My eyes widened. It is practically the most desturbing thing I have seen in a while. A fish eating a smaller fish!? Ugh! The smelly stink Human- the one I met- sat down with the Overly sized tuna. Tuna handed him a small fish. Fish looks good. Baked over a fire. Golden brown. Crispy. Tender. I must stop my self before I 'kitty pounce' and blow my cover. TO HELL WITH IT! I walk over and sat near the normal-ish looking one. He, of course, didn't notice me. Rawr. I glare. He just takes a bite out of the fish in peace. Not bothering to even aknowlage my presence! THE BASTARD!

The Tuna spoke, "Hey, Itachi. What's up with the cat?" His name was... Weasel? WEASEL?! BWAHAHA! Oh the fun I shall have!

'Itachi' looked over to me. "Nyaa?" I ask for food once more. He twitches and places his fish to the left of him. I'm of course on his right.

Itachi's POV

"Hey, Itachi. What's up with the cat?" Hoshigaki asked. I look to my right and vualah. There it is.

:Food?: I heard that same voice from the forest! Rawr! Who is it!? Is it that little cat thing. I twitch again. Why is this thing following me in the first place? It might be the fish. It could be making me delutional. I place my fish to the left of me.

The cat seemed to sigh, :Listen Bastard! I haven't had anything to eat or anything eadable cross my path! Now, GIMME FISHY-FISH!: I felt like throwing the fish at the cat and run away, far away, screaming. I handed the cat the fish and walked away towards a tree. I sat down. Sleepy time now. Time to calm my nerves.

Chi's POV

:Listen Bastard! I haven't had anything to eat or anything eadable cross my path. Now, GIMME FISHY-FISH!: I knew he couldn't understand me. But that's just the reason I called him bastard. He twitched again. Wonder why? He dropped the fish in front of me and walked over to a tree to most likely sleep. That leaves just the fish, the larger fish, and I. I 'kitty pounce' on the fish. Tuna is weirded out, so to speak.

Once I am done, I look over to the one that I had followed, Itachi. He was the one to gradually place a fish in my possestion. I felt sort of bad for eating his dinner. Hell, it was one damn tasty fish! Ha! I can't just let him starve! Eh, am I being overly dramatic again? Well it's true! I must get that third fish cooking over the pretty fire before Tuna does. Okay, y'know what? Ima start callin' him Maguro, it means the same damn thing. Maguro was about to get the third fish! NUUU! I can't let that happen! I pounce and grab the stick the fish was sitting on. Maguro's eyes and face was priceless! Bwahaha! I prance over to... "Master" Yes I'm calling him master. Why? Because from the random turn of events that has happened, aka him givin' meh fish! AMEN!

"What do you want, cat?" Master asked. Or demanded. Touchy.

:Eat: I usher him the fish.

His twitch quadrupled. "Okay. I know I'm not imagining this." He whispered to himself. Eh? Did he accually understand me?

Heh. One way to find out. :Are you gonna eat the damned fish or not?: I pushed on.

"You do talk."

:Talk? Well my language, yes. And you speak, apperently, human.:

"But how? How can we understand eachother?"

:Hell if I know.: I kitty shrug. :Just eat. I feel bad for eating your fish.:

"Hn. I don't care."

:You are definatly being a bastard.:

"Stop calling me a Bastard!!"

"Itachi? Are you okay?" Maguro asked.

"Shut up!"

:Touchy!:

Grr. Master was a pain in the butt! :Master? Why wont you eat the fish?: Maybe a sickly sweet voice would do it.

"What? Master?"

:Well, You gave me food when I haven't had anything in an Awful long time. But I think I should become your animal partner!:

"Hn. I don't need an animal partner. I already have one" He looks over to Maguro.

:Pssh! I could easily take down Maguro!: Said my cocky self.

"Fight me then. If you win, you are my partner. If I win, you leave me the hell alone!"

Hoshigaki's POV

Did Itachi just talk to that cat? Did Itachi understad the cat?! Did he just agree to a battle with the cat? Well this'll be fun to watch.

Chi's POV

Heh. This'll be easy! I have a few tricks up my sleave! Bwahaha!

:Ready?: I ask as we get in to fighting possistions. He nods. A few kunai fly my way. Too easy, I thought. Dodge. I charge after him. Laughter dancing in his eyes. A small cat as I charging a human like him. I grow larger into my wild cat form. The cocky smirk that once graced his lips fell. Bwahaha! I pounced on him, eyes closed. I have heard of the tsukuyomi before. His Uchiha Sharingan gave it all away! A smirking snarl bared my fangs. :You lose.: I taunt. He growls, I get off of him.

"AWSOME!" Maguro whispered, pretty loudly. Master glared.

I form back to a kitty cat. :So, Master! Looks like I'll be joining you on your quest!:

"Hn." I jump into his Akatsuki cloak collor and fell asleep. Why he let me do this, I have no idea.

Itachi's POV

The cat lept into my cloak collor, yet I made no move to get her out. She felt warm like a scarf in winter.

"Itachi? What's with the cat?" Hoshigaki asked again.

"She will make a great addition to the organization."

"Really?"

"Go to sleep, I'll keep watch." Hoshigai shrugged and snuggled into his Akatsuki cloak.

Morning came sooner than expected. To make things quicker, nothing happened and they walked half way to the hideout. Night came, but Chi was already chewing her arm off from boredom.

:Are we there yet?:

"No."

:Are we there yet?:

"No"

That went on for quite a while. Chi thought he was an impatiant type of person. But apperently he isn't. Well almost.

"SHUT UP!!" Chi covered her ears.

"We are going to stay here for tonight. We will be at the hideout by noon tomarrow."

End of chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

**I want to make this clear this is not my story its my sisters. Kirsten but she was to lazy to do an account so im posting it in my account. Kirsten does not own Naruto just Chi and anyother charecters she makes up**

**..:I'm... in love with... a CAT?!:..**

**(Itachi love story)**

**Chapter 2**

Alright! This is the Dun dun dun! THIRD! BWAHAHA!

Now, I am tired of writing in these obscure ways. I just can't take it anymore. And as we discussed this topic in the last one, I am NOT going to write in "You" format. I am going to write in "I" or "She" Format.

As in "I": "I sat on a pickle, then Imploded"

As in "She": "She sat on a pickle then Imploded"

And I am not going to use "You". As in "You": "You imploded on your grandfather."

I just wanted to make that clear. And I shall NOT skip into the story just to say something. If I have something important to say, then I shall make a little ("" Being a number) and explain it in the end.

Just wanted to make the clear as well.

Also, there might me a frillion spelling errors.

So yeah.

And now

+START+

+Kisame+

"Nyaa?"

"No."

"Nyaa?"

"No."

This went on for a while. Why the hell is this cat so damn special? Itachi never cared about any pathetic creature that he just came across.

Finally, we came to a clearing after Itachi yelled at the cat. The clearing looked cozy and pretty big. Itachi and I flew off in different directions. I always handled food and Itachi was the one in charge of the fire wood.

+Chi+

Master and Maguro walked off. Pro'lly has some sort of secret code-mind-read-ish-thing. Or some shit. Hmm. Time for Agent DarkBlood to watch over camp! DarkBlood, that's a good name. Hmm. Nothing... BORING! Damn!

I felt a rustle in the trees. What the- I couldn't finish my thought. Something heavy fell from the trees and on to me! -Hell.

:NOODLE!: I screech in my language. My military force and I share this communications thing. Where I could understand Lemur, Panda, Squirrel, and Chipmunk! And they could understand me. Go figure.

Colonel General! He screeched in monkey/lemur, There is an intruder in sector 12, pond 3! What do you suspect we do?

:Have you identified the enemy?:

Large, human. Well, not really human. Looks like a fish almost!

I chuckle. :Well, well, well. It seems as though our little Maguro is a threat to the animals! We can't have that now can we?: I said to my self more than Noodle. :Send AFB (Acorn-Flats Betta):

Noodle salutes. He whips out a 'walkie-talkie' we stole some from a bunch of hikers a while back. Those of us who don't have aposable thumbs have a speaker on a collar. Hidden, though. Noodle screeches into the speaker. Angered squeaks reply. Noodle yells that it's from me. Silence. Then more squeaks, replying that they'll be there in a few seconds. Noodle smirks in triumph. I roll my eyes.

+Itachi+

I came back early with a nice pile of sticks, wood, twigs, and stuff. Boring. I hear... Screeching of some sort? Sounds like an upset primate. What the hell is a CHIMP doing in our camping grounds? Damn! I look past some bushes, to see Chi talking with a Lemur... Eh? What in hell is a monkey doing here? Where did that Walkie-Talkie come from!? Damn! What the hell? After a long silence. I hear an ear-piercing scream. Kinda like a small female child's scream.

+Chi+

After a moment of quietness, a scream echoed in the forest. And Bingo was his name-o. Ha!! Take him down, AFB! BWAHAHA! Maguro comes, screaming out of the forest, covered in many squirrels in little green army hats, pelting him with nuts of all sorts.

--WE GO' 'IM NOW, PRIVATES!-- Said a squeak in a heavy Irish accent. Or was it Russian? Out from the bushes came Colonel Pepsi. He salute's me and I salute back. Colonel Pepsi was an old gray squirrel but still full of spunk! Heehee.

:Wonderful work, Colonel.: I nod to him.

--Right!-- We watch as the AFB army kept on attacking Maguro, even though he was unconscious.

:HOLD YOUR FIRE!: I yelled. My smirk never leaving my face, :Save your acorns for another time!:

--OI!-- They yelled, saluted, and scurried off. I salute Pepsi, for a job well done.

"CHI!" I get picked up from the scruff on my neck.

:Nyaa!: I give a surprised meow. :Oh, hey Master...:

"Why is Kisame on the ground?"

:He invaded our territory?... HE WAS A THREAT TO MY PEOPLE!!:

"But do you see that now I HAVE TO CARRY HIM?"

:I could?: I suggest. Just then, the army of squirrels pokes their head from the trees, bushes and other places holding acorns and giving off scary glares to Itachi. Itachi sweats. But gently puts me down, still glaring. I salute my privates off. They scamper away.

:Shall we continue?: I ask. Itachi 'Hn.'s.

My large wild cat forms as I pick up the Maguro between my teeth. Oh my Jesus, does he smell HORRIBLE. I try not to cringe.

Noodle salutes me and scampers 1 off into the never ending forest.

The walk held an unpleasant awkward silence. Gosh, did I hate it. Why can't it just die and rot in my grandmother's backyard.

As we were walking... Itachi just stops. Impulsively. Wonder why? I look back to see him in mid-step. Swirly eyed and staggering a bit. And on top of his head, was Noodle's communicator. Psshh. Stupid lemur. Just go and throw more weight on my back!!

:Noodle? Why is Itachi unconscious?: I asked the now panicking monkey-creature.

He squeaks something about being careless and accidentally dropping the communicator on Master's head. I sigh and purposely drop Kisame. To think. What? I can't think with a smelly stink thing in my mouth! Maybe cooked with butter and seasonings. Fuck it. He would give me indigestion.

:Save it, Noodle.: Noodle shuts up. I get an idea.

MAH MILITARY! Perfect! I called Tomo this time and he was with Nana already. Double perfect!

Tomo took Kisame, with much distaste and I took Itachi on my back. Noodle was riding on my head. Stupid lemur. Nana, to my happiness, knew the way to the Akatsuki place. She had to do some "Undercover work" in that area. Oh, Happy day!

It didn't take too long to reach our destination. And I was pretty sure Tomo was getting light headed from carrying Kisame. Haha. Poor Tomo.

We came to... uh, it seemed to be a cave of some sort, in the River country. I took Kisame from him and walked in, Tomo and Nana walking away to do other businesses. After long, twisting, forked paths we came to a large mahogany, cherry wood door 2. Apparently, there was a door bell. For some twisted odd reason. Hm. Wonder why? Noodle reached up and pressed it. A blonde, seemingly girlish type figure answered it. ... The hell? I thought. Was that a _boy_ or a _girl_? Hn.

He-She-_IT_ looked "freaked out", to be totally frank.

"Sasori-danna, un!!" _It _yelled.

I have a piece of old tuna in my mouth, a freaking heavy person on my back, and a lemur on my head. I do NOT need this Homo 3 screaming in my sensitive ears! I growl. _It_ backs away as an other person come into view. Not looking very happy that the blonde person called him. He looked slightly freaked out to see a large cat holding two of the Akatsuki people and a ... lemur. I push myself past them. I try and sniff where Kisame's room is first. But with the Maguro hanging loosely in my jaws, his smell drowned out everything else. I drop him harshly on the floor, I sneeze on him... on purpose. I take a moment to regain my senses. Fuck the fish. I will just leave him here for other freaks to deal with him. The blonde and other person stared at me, with an un-blinking gaze. I got Maguro out of my senses and started walking towards Itachi's supposed bedroom.

The Mofo's 4 back there still staring. Stunned.

Itachi's door was, wouldn't you believe it, LOCKED! Dammit. Why? Why me?

:Noodle, Pick the lock now.: I demanded. I was a little stressed from carrying master. Noodle squeaked and got the door open in no time flat. Damn. He was getting good.

I gently threw master to the bed. Damn I need a Cyropractor. Eh. I don't wanna stay here and WAIT for him to awake. Psshh, Right. I command Noodle to stay and keep look after him. Noodle salutes as I walk the twisting halls of the Akatsuki. Hm. Some raw meat would be nice right now. But, in case of an attack, I turned into my medium sized form. I smelt food near by. After a couple turns, I make it to the kitchen. About four people were there 5. A silver hair person, a person with a mask of some sort covering most of his face just not his freaky eyes, the homosexual blonde, and the one that was with the blonde They all stare blankly, wide eyed. I trot into the kitchen. I lick my muzzle as I get the fridge open with my paw. Hm... Not much. Wait... Is that an arm? A Human arm?! Must be a cannibal somewhere in here. I grab a ham flank with my teeth and trot back out. Back to Master's bed room.

The walk back was pleasant. No one was in the halls. Itachi's room came into view a little while later. Thank Kami the door was a little open.

I ate my ham in peace.

Itachi became conscious. He saw me knawing a bone with a little bit of meat still stuck on it.

"Chi?... Who did you eat?" He asked.

:Oh, this? It's your little blonde friend.: I replied nonchalantly.

Itachi became pale. "CHI!" He panicked. If Leader finds out that Itachi's new pet caused one of the Akatsuki to become disembodied and/or DEAD then he would surely receive hell.

I laugh. :Calm down Master! It's a piece of Ham.: He glared at me for tricking him. I gave a toothy grin. He flung a kunai in my direction! I squeaked. I figured that a smaller target is a harder target. I change into my house-cat form and run out the door.

He ran after me. It was like a wild goose chase, how can someone see me in this darkness? Thank you dark fur!!

Through out the Akatsuki, Itachi chased me. People staring at him, It looked like he was just running around. It was hard to see me. Ha! I switch to my largest form. The "living room" came into view. Around seven people were there, including Maguro, the homo's, the silver haired person, the dude with the mask... Also some ... Plant Guy? I jumped over the couch and behind it. The people sitting on the couch, scaredly ducked and the ones standing around, jumped. And jumped a second time as Itachi came into the room, Kunai and Shurikan. Plus, I think he had his Mangekyo Sharingan on.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" I yell. Wait. Was that the human language?! Did I just speak human? Sweet. I could terrorize people this way.

All the living room people were scared and/or freaked out, to be completely frank. Yet it did stun Itachi... This was a good opportunity to run now.

I ran out and into a random room in my lil' kitten form.

"Stupid criminally insane person!" I was talking about Itachi that is.

People in the living room's POV

"I-Itachi?" Deidara asked, "Is this some kinda cat problem you are trying to exterminate?"

Itachi glared and walked out.

The whole group was talking about the impulsive act of the cat in the living room 6.

Now that I have finished the wonderful cough story, sorry I have a cold. Psshh, Wonderful? This story also sucks my cheese.

Now numbers! throws confetti

1 Scampers is such a cute, funny, adorable, hilarious (for some reason to me) word.

2 I only know that the Akatsuki is a cave in the River Country... I have no clue on how it REALLY looks.

3 Homo, Deidara is NO homo! I am a devoted fangirl to the "Greek God" Deidara. Nor is Itachi heavy... Not that I would know or anything... Eh heh heh.

4 Again, Neither Deidara NOR Sasori are Mofo's/Homo's.

5 I am going to use the ORIGINAL amount of Akatsuki members, around 10. Deidara, Sasori, Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Tobi, Konan(but not much of her, hell, you'll barely see her at all), and the Leader (Pein)... Woo. But even though, Tobi comes in for the dead Sasori's place, I am still gonna use both of 'em. 'Kay?

6 The Impulsive Act of the Cat in the Living Room... It sounds a hell of a lot like the new book, The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night time...


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again its my sisters story not mine. She does not own naruto! **

**..:I'm... in love with... a CAT?!:..**

**(Itachi love story)**

**Chapter 3**

() (OO)

Well, se moi! I'm Baack!! How is my crew? Fine fine, good good.

So, yeah I hope to get more out earlier instead of procrastinating, alas, procrastinating is not something I enjoy but still can help but do. So yeah tell me what my loyal fans think of this, ne? OH YEAH! I have already had a few people message me about this quiz! I actually cried. It was beautiful to hear what you all think of this quiz-story-mah-jigger!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!

But I especially love Y2K4, and bla12.

(And probably ChibiSpaz313, I have no clue if you read this or not, ChibiSpaz313, but thank you for the support)

Enjoy!

+Start+

Hm, what to do, what to do? Bleh, so far nothing in this god-forsaken hell-hole. Itachi is training, Sasori is "Puppet Building", Hidan is praying, Deidara and Tobi are playing chess, the Leader is just well being the Leader in all his boring ness, Kakuzu is counting his money, who the hell knows WHERE Konan is, Zetsu is hunting probably, and Kisame is... eating. Wait, I have plenty of things to keep me busy! Like... Kisame eating!! BAH-HAHA!

I trot stealthily into the kitchen, and there is my pray... Kisame, happily munching on his nuggets 1. I quietly call my crack team of supreme squirrels. Only half though. One flicks an acorn at Kisame's head. He flinches, whips around afraid. He remembers the feeling... Oh what fun! He calms down and goes back to eating his soup. I snag and acorn and fling it in his soup, where the broth gets in his eyes. Once the infernal curry-soup-thing gets rubbed out of his eyes, he glares angrily at the soup; where (low and behold) a lone acorn sat, well, floated. Kisame pales, as he frantically searched around for the culprit; he is hyperventilating. I order my team to toss another one at him, direct hit; he screams and jumps from the table into the hall. But as AFB and I were enjoying ourselves in mass merry laughter, Hidan came back from his ritual and stared at the mess of squirrels surrounding the kitchen. Hidan slowly backs away from the sight.

After terrorizing Kisame and saluting my team off, I went to go find Itachi and see what he's up to. But instead of finding Itachi, I stumble into the living room where Deidara and Tobi re enjoying themselves in a "riveting" game of chess, and you know what? Amazingly, Tobi is winning.

"Dammit, Tobi!" I hear the blonde one scream, then I hear, "Tobi is a GOOD BOY!" As a sort of taunting way to say it. I scheme up a plan. Eh, it's not my best, but it'll have to do!

I wait until Deidara is just distracted enough to commit my plan. He seems to be well into the game. So I call upon one of my squirrels, one of the privates. He is new but has exhalent marksmanship. He tosses a seemingly unnoticeable acorn at the white (Deidara's color of the game) Bishop and make it fall onto the cold hard floor behind Deidara. He growls and blames Tobi for the misfortune. To my luck he doesn't make Tobi pick it up; instead, he gets up and finds it himself. Just a short amount of time but it was still something to work with. I crawl on the side of the table and steal his white Rook. Tobi, seemingly oblivious to the happenings, was merely staring into space. Deidara climbs back onto his hair as I hop into the shadows. Deidara, who notices something is a miss, he instantly blames Tobi for a certain missing piece.

"Tobi, did you eat ANOTHER chess piece?" Deidara growls.

"No, not at all, Deidara-senpai." The "Good Boy" answered politely. Hn, that innocence just made Deidara fume more. I was about to run off when Zetsu, le cannibal, molded from the floor; he said:

"Deidara, Tobi. The leader wishes to see you two in the meeting room. I shall gather everyone else." The plant switched faces quickly, "Please be prompt!" He smiled.

Gosh, what a freak. And I thought I had problems. Well, Might as well crash the party, Itachi was going to be there of course... Didn't the plant-man say so? No. He EMPLIED it. Haw! Am I smart or what?

I shimmy to the meeting place. Boy, those lemur/cat (Noodle/Chi) Akatsuki-hallway-outings really paid off! Once there, Itachi was the third to the last one to have to enter. After him was Hoshigaki, and after him was Kakuzu. I quickly prance into Itachi's cloak-neck.

I saw, with my perpetual vision, Itachi rolling his eyes and exasperating an inaudible sigh, 'This cat is going to drive me to drink.' I heard in my head. ... The hell?

:Itachi? You say something?: I ask in my native toung, knowing very well that he could understand.

"I didn't say anything." He replied, in a hushed tone.

:Hm, Must be the ol' voices in my head.:

"What voices?" He asked, "Wait, never mind. Shush, the meeting's about to start."

:Yes, Master.:

Pein-sama started the meeting soon after all of the members were seated, "As some of you may or may not know, my companion and dearest friend Konan was caught by Amegakure for turning on them, so she was executed. In turn, we have to find a new partner to fit her spot, for she did not retrieve her assigned Bijuu 2 yet. I want reports on who to assign a new member."

I perked my ears at this; this could be my chance to prove myself to Master! Heehee! I'm as giddy as a school girl!

"OH OH! ME, ME! PICK ME!" I shout in human toung from Itachi's collar. The Akatsuki organization looks in shock and confusion, for it sounded as if Itachi yelled out instead of the little kitty in his shirt.

I pop out of his shirt like a piece of toast in a toaster.

"This is an Organization, not some zoo."

"Says the person to let join a Fish," I gesture to Kisame, who scowled, "A puppet" I gesture to Sasori, who stood un fazed, "And a Plant." I finish off with Zetsu who just sat there, "I don't understand why I, a CAT, can't join? Is it because I'm black3? You racist son-of-a--" Itachi hushed me with a harsh pat on the head, "Hey! That costs brain cells!" I screech.

"Do not disrespect him."

"I'll diss him all I want, Fool!" I replied cockily. "Nyaa!" I squealed as Itachi glared, like the piercing flame of a spark of fire 4.

"And I'm not a FISH!" Kisame entered the conversation, "I'm a SHARK!"

I try to subside a grin of laughter, and you wanna know how that turned out? Horribly. I couldn't keep it from coming out, Cap' in! I DONT 'AVE THE POWER!! "I'M A SHARK, I'M A SHARK! KILLER OF THE OCEAN! I'M A SHARK I'M A SHARK! SILENTLY I STRIKE! I'M A SHARK I'M A SHARK! DUMBER THAN A TREE! I ONLY HAVE THREE THOUGHTS! EAT, SLEEP... EAAAAAT!!" I burst out in laughter. I have heard the village kids in the numerous towns I have visited make fun of the shark... I remembered the words clearly.

Kisame looked like he was about to jump off his rocker... Har har...

"ORDER IN THE COURT!" The leader yells. Snort, I can't believe he just said that... IN THE MEETING ROOM!

I start cracking up like the crackhamster I was. 'Kush Kush Kush5' I think.

Well, all in all, Leader-person-face-man-sama said he would think about it, if I "Prove" myself worthy/useful to the organization.

:Maaster!!: I whine like a child, which sounded as if I were a cat dying on the street since I was speaking natively to him.

"What?" He asked as we headed to the training area, all rock. No type of plush matting. Just. Rock.

The entire Akatsuki were there to watch me, the cute wittle kitten, try and BEAT a member.

The leader announces that I would be fighting... Dun nuh nuh nuh... TOBI!

"AW! C'MON! You could do better than THAT!!" I scream at the leader, he just waves it off, also a signal to start/get this over with. "Psh." I snorted.

Tobi just... Stood there. Like he had better things to do than fight a cat.

I stare. He stares. I stare. He stares. I yawn. He stares... Suddenly, he falls over...

Excuse me? What kinda fight is this? I trot to him, still in my housecat form, and stare at him som'ore. Until... Dundundun! He flings a kunai at me! Playing possum, I see! Well, you have to do better than that! I thought. I jump back, and skid a couple of feet as Tobi jumps up from his spot. He is armed with a kunai in his hand, in a battle stance position. I growl. This could be harder than I expected. I "bump it up a notch" and turn into my next form. He seems surprised, but not as much. I pace around him as he follows with his eyes, err, eye. I snarl as I force my legs to pounce onto him. He falls from the weight. I paw at his chest, but he slices at my arms to fling me off. My paw comes down at an incredible pace as it collapsed his ribcage in, puncturing his heart, lungs and Pro'lly damaging his spinal column. It seemed much harder than expected to break his ribs, but that could've been my imagination. The body underneath me suddenly poofs and I now have sediment of rock where Tobi was supposed to be. DAMN! He used a replacement! I look up and see he is twirling a kunai on his middle finger. I scowl. He prepares the kunai for flinging and as quick as he did it, he lunged it. It took all my power to redirect the kunai from his original pinpoint to a spot on my arm. It dug in at least three inches deep. This was way harder than I expected! I change into my toughest form. Who knew Tobi was this cunning? I rip out the kunai and held it in my teeth, preparing to move forward. I was as fast as Tobi, and lunged, landing on Tobi, he was oblivious for a while until he noticed the extra weight, call it being too shocked to notice but, either way I had him pinned.

"I win." I whispered. Dunno how, but I managed to win. Tobi just sat there with a kunai under his mask, yet not touching his flesh.

After the fight, and Tobi was back to his adorable self, the leader requested to see me in his office along with Itachi.

"Byaako?" I questioned, "Well, that's ironic." I sniggered. 6

"Now, even though I regret ever considering a CAT to join, I guess you would be a fine addition and Konan's death was unexpected... So yes, you are the new Konan. But, what I really question is how are we going to fit you into the cloak, how are we going to put the ring on your ... paw... and how am I going to get used to a cat on MY team 7. Now get out of my face before I change my mind."

"Do not worry, Jerk-sama! I will do my best! Better than all the rest!" I happily pranced outta the room while singing the song I cited in the sentence, Itachi following, rubbing his eyelids, and pinching the bridge of his nose; he is holding MY new out fit 'cause I was too small to carry it, and I was too lazy to change into my bigger form. AND on top of that I had a messed up leg from Tobi's attack, so I was slightly limping.

:Masssster!!: I whined.

"What!?" He raised his voice in frustration.

:My leg hurts!!:

"We'll fix it later."

Why was he acting so nice?! Is he creating a bond with me!? He is normally so cold and ruthless, he wouldn't carry my stuff! He wouldn't put up with my whining! He wouldn't let me go unpunished for disrespecting the leader! He wouldn't consider fixing my bloody leg! He ... He wouldn't do any of that kinda stuff... What had I done for him to be so... so... nice?

End

NUMEROS!!

blows noise maker

1 For some odd reason, I just had to put that there, like it was calling out to me, as my fingers numbingly typed ..

2 I hope you all know what the "Bijuu" are... Right? Well, they are the "Tailed-Beasts" or as I like to call them, Zeh Beasties!!

3 I am NOT EMPLYING ANYTHING!! I just had to add that. One of my friends's say it (and you want to know a secret? whispers she's not even black, nor is she racist.)

4 Wow, and I just learned how to use "EPIC SYMALIES"

5 I sure do miss those Hamtaro episodes... T-T

6 Now, Byaako means White tiger... I didn't even notice until now.

7 Tha's right. Konan was on Pein's team, so yeah it's totally obvious Chi would go on Pein's team... Sorry if most of you are used to being on Itachi's team...


	4. Chapter 4

**Its my sisters story not mine. Dont give me credit please. She does not own Naruto**

**..:I'm... in love with... a CAT?!:..**

**(Itachi love story)**

**Chapter 4**

Oh, and this one will be a little not as funny as the rest, 'cause I want this series to have a bit o' drama... but this'll be a tinsy winsy look inside the mind of a, oh gosh... what do you call those? Hormones? Yes! This'll be a little look inside the mind of a hormonic man that is (probably) still a virgin! Also... He's a bit OOC...

Eh heh heh heh...

I couldn't RESIST!

AND, I have more people to name off, I AM SO HAPPY!

Y2K4

bla12

SilentKilling

Mitsuki19

KetsuekiSaiken

XxTruexSoulxX

And probably

ChibiSpaz313

(I have no Idea if she reads this, but she has been helping me with some problems and she has been egging me on to write)

ily all!

I think this one might be a weeeee bit short in my rush to get it out.

Good luck!

**+Start+**

"YOU DAMN CAT!" I heard Deidara yell, as I was too into merriment to look back while he was chasing me from the apparent "No-no" I had cast.

Y'see, I got into Dei's clay supply and used it to make myself a sculpture of Deidara with... a ... chest... And y'know what I did with it? I put it in the middle of the living room for the world to see! Now it was hard to mold the clay with my paws but I managed a good enough master piece! It was attached to the floor, so if Deidara wanted to destroy it (which he does) it would send the hideout sky high!

So in the end, he just broke it down into sediments of rock and pebbles and s'ploded them outside. Once done, he chased me all throughout the organization.

I resided to Itachi's room knowing he would never get within 90 feet of his DOOR. So Deidara just turned away, grumbling. I laughed and decided to explore his room, even though I have only been here... What? A couple of hours? Maybe almost a day? But I have already memorized the entire layout of the organization, with some acceptions of the pedestrian's rooms. I have yet to prod through Itachi's belongings.

Dum dum du-dum. I poke around in Itachi's room, findin' nothing out of the ordinary like I thought... What? I thought he would carry dead bodies in his closets then make them into treats for Zetsu? Pfft. Show's you how my mind works.

Hm... Where haven't I looked? Oh! Psh, silly me. Under the bed! I crawl under the bed with little difficulty.

Dust. Dust. Long black hair. Dust. Som'ore dust... Dust... Oh! Lookie! A mysterious box! Pandora's box, perhaps? No, it's a simple mahogany ... box ...

Oh well, it wouldn't hurt to look? Wait. Curiosity Killed the Cat, damn... BUT! Satisfaction Brought it Back! HAW! Can't keep things from me, now can you!? Also, Insanity would drive it mad.

I crawl on the bed with the box o' doom.

I open it.

And y'know what? I barely was able see what was inside when I was blinded by a white light.

Then...

I fell asleep.

Yep. That light knocked me unconscious. Imma nag to Master later. I do NOT like it when I am knocked out by MISCELLANEOUS CRACK!

Pfft. Who does he think I am!? George Bush!? HAR! I laugh at him.

Why am I still asking questions and thinking when I am supposed to be unconscious.

Rawr. I hate this.

**Itachi**

After hours of meditating over why I was so vulnerable when I am with the cat, I decided to rest. It was, like, 12 midnight when I was going to bed. And being in the middle of the night... In a cave. It's pretty dark. I hobble to my room knowing no one would attack me. But when you're in the Akatsuki, you never know. You have to be pretty damn sure you are okay to look as I do. I am practically sleepwalking to my room. Meh. They wouldn't mess with me. No they wouldn't. No.

I got to my room, after bumping in to walls, they were srsly comin' outta nowhere, muttering 'smarticle' 1 words. Opening the door was a hassle, but Hefty Hefty Hefty Itachi could open it.

Plopping into the yummy-ness of the black as ink comforter, I snuggle into a pillow that is turned sideways... A distinct smell cluttered my nostrils though... Smells like... Fresh-Baked cinnamon bread. Well, it's comfy that's all that mattered. Wow. It really was comfy... I move my head a bit lower and a softer, squishier spot made me snuggle more. Surprisingly it was warm. This just made it more delicious. I ring my arms around the pillow and cuddled close with it. What? An evil S-Ranked Criminal can't have a moment of sh-nuggle-ness in his own room? Hn. Stupid thoughts.

A wave of unconsciousness swept over the pillow and I, and I couldn't resist the tempting thoughts of ... Cinnamon Bread... I fall asleep.

**MORNING, YA' DANGLY BRIGHT SOURCE OF EVIL IN THE SKYYYY**

**8D**

Itachi woke up in a good mood. But something wasn't in place? Oh yeah. He was in a good mood... But why? It was still dark. But his biological clock won't let him wake up any later. He was still in the same position as last night, but his legs were wrapped around the pillow also. His head still nuzzled in the squishy warm-ness. But why was a pillow warm in the first place? He opened his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He finally relised... He was jamming his face into the plump soft chest of a woman! Clothed in black clad shirt and shorts though. GODDAMMIT! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO LAST NIGHT?! Where'd she come from!? How'd she get here?! When did this happen!? He didn't notice he was still cuddling with this female, but... It felt right to him, not right as in the male instinct, but right as in... Right... He couldn't help but relised that this creature of the opposite gender had the face of an angel: Long dark hair with choppy bangs that rest just under her brow; Fair compaction; A perfect nose; Long lashes that lay at her cheek as she slept.

"Beautiful," He breathed. She stirred making the cutest whimpers. He noticed that his hand has been traveling up to her chest, which forced the mewl out of her. Okay, now you can call it male instinct. But he quickly caught himself and wanted to slap himself for allowing his guard to drop like that. His mind went back to the question: "Who is she?! Where'd she come from!? How'd she get here?! When did this happen!?" He jerked back and snatched a kunai form under his pillow. His sudden movements caused her, this literal "Sleeping Beauty" to slowly awaken. Her eyelashes opened like curtains to dusk-colored eyes, practically blood red. She rolled and arched her back to stretch, her hands behind her head. He couldn't help but stare at her rising torso; and caused a thought to run through his mind... Which was now occupant in the gutter. He caught him self for a second time, blinked, and glared at this girl, no, woman.

"Uhmnnnnnn..." She groaned, "Master... What're you doin' up so ..." She yawned, "Early?"

Master?! But... The only one who called Itachi master was...

"Chi?" Itachi asked with uncertainty.

"Hm?" She acknowledged her name, "Yes, Master?... Am I not supposed to be on your bed?" she mewled, and unconsciously swiped her hand on her brow to move some of her bangs out of the way. Now Itachi knew it was Chi; she had the cresset moon on her forehead... But... How'd she get all... Human?! Itachi stared wide eyed.

"Ch-Chi...?"

"Hm? What do you want?" She asked with impatience.

"You- You..." He was at a loss of words.

She was getting fed up, "What do you want, Master?"

He just numbly got out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash his blank stare, maybe pop a few aspirins'. Chi was confused. She went to scratch her nose, but gasped. A human hand! A human nail! A human wrist! A human arm! And... HoMahGah... A HUMAN TORSO!!

Chi wanted to scream but her mind wouldn't cooperate along with her vocal cords. She muffled a "Whatsa-- Whosa-- How--" She stumbled over her words.

Until... "HAHA! YATTA! AND WHAT, SON?!" She shouted in glee and threw her newly acquired hands in the air, which made Itachi jump and twitch and convuldge in spasms from his already nervous misunderstanding of what happened last night.

"What was that?" He asked.

"I am HUMAN! I HAVE FOUND IT! FINALLY FOUND IT!" She was crying in happiness. She never felt so good to be human, no matter how much she hated them, she felt like she accomplished a difficult task that would take someone their whole life to get but she got it NOW!

"I don't get it." He sighed.

"It doesn't matter, I'll tell you later. Let me have my moment, for now!" She grinned like a grinning crackhamster, still crying.

**Chi**

I got up and tried out my new legs, to see if I could still walk in them. I fell three times before I had to clutch onto the bathroom door frame for support, after a while I got the hang of it, and so I pushed Master out of the way of the mirror in the bathroom and stared at my matured face from so long ago. My chest developed, I had hips, a waist, slender legs... I was pretty... This has to be what that old bag felt when she got her beauty of being human back. I pull a shaky hand to my cheek, moved it up to my forehead and moved the hair form my mark. I-It was still there... I wasn't free of the curse just yet... Just what the old bag said... I wonder... I thought and changed back to my cat form... Well I still have that... I change back.

Itachi had been staring at me. I slowly turn to meet his gaze, tilting my head up a bit, he is way taller than I.

"Nyaa!" I squeal as I latch onto his torso, giving him a heart attack. I snuggle into his shoulder I was still crying in happiness. Boy, do I feel weak right about now.

**Third Person**

Chi was oblivious to Itachi's blush. Itachi didn't like this feeling, of course it was male instinct but he couldn't help but feel like he wanted more than just a hug, he wanted to kiss this new Chi. Even though she was still a cat, he couldn't help but smile whenever he was with Chi. The way she picked on Kisame. The way she grinned when she knew she was in trouble. The way... she felt against his body last night... A perfect fit... AH! Damn these boyish thoughts!

Itachi, not liking the thoughts very much, pushed Chi harshly away from him, which caused her to fall since she wasn't that used to walking on two legs, and stormed out of the bathroom to put a shirt over his head. He always slept in his pants, but no shirt. Chi was heart broken. 'Does Master hate me?' she asked herself. Once Itachi was finished, he took Chi by the wrist and pulled her out of the room to the leader's office.

"I-Itachi?" Chi asked a little hesitant.

He grunted in response, giving her a signal to speak.

"Do- Do you not like me?" She continued, "Did I do something I shouldn't have?"

Itachi stopped, abruptly, and looked at her. Her adorable questioning eyes. Her quivering pursed lips. He wanted to slap himself for the third time.

"No." He reluctantly gave his answer, "I do... like you..." Itachi said in a strained voice.

She tilted her head, her eyes now glistening. Itachi saw and sighed. She was just too cute.

"I do. I really do like you." he said more meaningful, now looking into her eyes.

She smiled, no grinned. She really knows how to get her way.

They got to the Leader's office. The leader opened before they could even knock.

"Yes, Itachi and...?" He stared at Chi.

"Leader... This is Chi... Remember the cat that you allowed to join?"

The leader blinked, obviously surprised to see Chi. "Is that all? Then go."

Leader wasn't being rude of anything, but he was Pro'lly asleep before we woke him up.

"Eeeee!" Chi jumped and squealed. Itachi sighed.

"What was that for?" Itachi asked, exasperatingly rubbing his sore ear.

"I gets ta' try on a new cloak!" She exclaimed in happiness. Itachi sighed for a second time.

**In Zeh Room**

Chi pranced around the room in a cloak, yet falling on her face. She kept giggling even if her face was implanted in the carpet. Her body shaking form laughter. Itachi sighed and stared at the hopping, giggling maniac. He noticed his box on the floor. This box was a gift from a... Side walk... He magically found the box on the streets of Konoha near an alleyway. No one seemed to know what it was or if it was theirs. So, he just took it and opened it at home. Inside was a necklace. Must've been a girl's necklace. But what was peculiar to him was that the necklace had the symbol of "Neko". Why would it have a "Cat" kanji symbol on it? Either way, he snatched it up off the floor as Chi sprang from the carpet as she stared at the necklace in Itachi's hands.

"Dude... Wha'sat?" She asked quite quickly where her words meshed together.

"Something... I guess. I've had it for a while."

**Purely annoying FLASHBACK-o**

Itachi walked across the streets from his day at the academy. Man, why does life have to be so boring? Why do I have to have all these screaming banshee's near me for forever and a half? Why do I have to nag all the time? Itachi sighed as he almost, keyword: ALMOST, tripped and ALMOST planted his face in the dirt road. He staggered but glared as he shouldn't have let his guard down to be tripped by some miscellaneous crack that some miscellaneous crack ADDICT left in the miscellaneous CRACK INFESTED STREETS! Dammit! He looked down to the perpetrator and almost smacked himself, keyword, again, ALMOST, as he stared down on the floor at ... a box. Who the hell leaves a box in the middle of a street!? Well, it's more like, near the alleyway, but either way! He stared at it, but being the cute lil' ignorant 7-year-old he was, he took up the box to see if anyone left the box, themselves. No one claimed it, so he decided to take it home.

He ALMOST didn't catch the blue eyes looking at him through the alleyway, the glare of the sun was at his advantage, key word ALLLLLMOST. 2

**Back to life-o!**

"Hey, Master... You... Kinda, sorta... Spaced out there for a minute..."

"Hn." Itachi grunted as he stared at the box, remembering the memory. Chi looked down at the object in her diviner's hands.

'Hm... HO-SH.T! THAT WAS... THE CRACK THAT BLINDED ME! Oh, HELLZ NAW!' Chi thought as she grimaced her lips into a snarl.

Chi snatched the whachamahcallit from Itachi's hands.

"BAH-KEJSLJFA2DS!" she spoke gibberish as she smashed the box-o'-doom on the floor and out rolled the necklace. Itachi, taken back by her actions, jumped out of the way of the splintering wood.

Blink... Blink... "Dude... Wha'sat?" She repeated as she pointed to the necklace.

"A necklace, what does it look like?" Itachi answered with sarcasm lacing his saliva.

"... Well thank you, Cap'n OBVIOUS." She narrowed her eyes.

"Bleh, I'm bored." She said after a while, but her body tightened from a miscellaneous memory seeping in from a trillion years ago.

**'Nuh-der FLASHBACK!**

Her whole body tingled as she was forced into her cat demon form. The tabby cat turned into an old lady with blue eyes, her smirk grew even more as the curse was now complete. She told Chi, in a completely horse voice, "Dearest child, so young, so carefree. I'm sad that I have to do this to you, but I wanted to be normal again, But I put a little twist on this mean curse," She cooed, "There will be a certain necklace with the kanji sign for 'neko' stained red with blood. I took the liberty of giving it to a certain child, about your age. Find the necklace and you will be free, that's how nice I am insert evil cackle here BUT, You will not be rid of this curse so easily, you'll still have it but you'll be able to turn human once you find the necklace."

**Boy, that flashback was painless, wasn't it?**

Chi tried her damnedest to straighten her thoughts out. Until she finally got a hold of them.

"... WOOOOOOO!" She whooped as she threw her arms up. Now just imagine how Itachi must feel in his point of view? Chi just stared at the necklace until she "wooo"ed really, really loudly, for now apparently Itachi had dropped his guard for a bit, but Chi's outburst caught him and made him take a step back.

"AHMUNNNAGOPLAYNOWBYEEEZZZ!" She screeched oh-so loudly and all too quickly, Itachi was BEARLY able to catch it. Keyword... BEARLY. 3

**NAM-BUUUURZ!**

**1 Smarticle. Something my friend made up on the spot. Y'wanna hear one of his MISSCELANEOUS moments? **

**Too bad. Also, think of him as "Friend 2"**

**Friend 1: "They're magically delicious!"**

**Friend 2: "YAY! FROOT LOOPS!"**

**Haha. I love that little bugger.**

**2 I think I have an addiction to the words "Miscellaneous" Which means random, "Crack" and "ALMOST" **

**Dunno why.**

**3 HAHA! You Mohicans THOUGHT I was gonna put "ALMOST" Again, didn't you!?**

**HOHOHOHO! evil Renge laugh 1**

**8D**

**NOW! SUB-NUMBERS!**

**Reader: Uh... Dot Dot Dot...?**

**They are numbers that I sometimes would put in the Numbers Sequence. Juuuust in CASE!**

**1 Renge... She is from Ouran High School Host Club. I just couldn't help it...**

**oo**

**Eh heh heh heh...**

**eo**


	5. Chapter 5

**Once again not my story! Its kirsten aka my sister. She does not own Naruto just Chi and any other made up cahrecter she makes!**

**..:I'm... in love with... a CAT?!:..**

**(Itachi love story)**

**Chapter 6**

AHAHAHAHAAA!

HAPPY, MO'FO'S!?

Kidding.  
I love you all.

Ah I HAVE FIRE BENEATH MY FINGERTIPS! IT FEELS WONDERFUL TO WANT TO WRITE THIS MUCH!

Here ya' guys go, nine pages of Kitty-Itachi goodness with … 2,275 words. Yay.

Now to check off my list AGAIN!

Just 'cause I love you all

Y2K4

bla12

SilentKilling

Mitsuki19

KetsuekiSaiken

XxTruexSoulxX

just.some.chick.13

And probably

ChibiSpaz313

(I have no Idea if she reads this, but she has been helping me with some problems and she has been egging me on to write... Thank you, Kit. Thank you so much! :')

Anddddd... their are pro'lly more... buuuuut...

I am too lazy to check.

oo

... And do you see... that Memo Box?

It is full...

And can you see what has filled it?

A F.CKIN' BANNER!

I cried.

But... I've made a couple banners mah self. And one of 'em is gonna go up their if I don't receive a banner after this. And I doubt ANYBODY wants to see my crappy job of a banner.

TT

**+Start+**

Dammit! Where am I, now!? I thought Noodle and I were able to DESCRETLY and COMPLETELY scope out the ENTIRE area! I guess I was WRONG then! Dammit!

I exasperate a sigh as I spin around to catch a glimpse of something, ANYHTING familiar.

And so far?

NA-DA.

I growl as whip around som'ore.

Wait. I hear somethin'.

Oh, what could it be?

I am certainly in a desolate area in which no one comes around very often.

But srsly.

Who is making that crunchy noise?

It's close. I can hear it. But I can't tell if it's coming from my right or left. Y'see there was two different doors on either side of me. I cannot describe the sharp crunching noises, but I know I've heard it before. Probably more than once, I just can't put my finger on it. Hum.

Screw it.  
I miscellaneously pick the one to my left which happens to be the right door.

Dingdingdingding.

I creak the door open the slightest bit to come in contact with ... Oh God.

Holy Hell! What is THAT!?

A plant?

It's a plant.

A seemingly carnivorous plant.

Holy Hell times two.

So that's what that crunching sound was!  
He is eating an... Arm?

Yeah, dunno what happened to the rest of the arm's body but yeah, it's gone.

Bye, bye.

Wait. Wasn't that the ... guy that came from the walls? Uh.. Zetsu? Yeah I remember him... But Like HELL I knew he was a... Cannibal!?

I was ONLY half way through the door, I wanted to leave. I wanted to throw up any sight my eyes took in like 1 dollar sushi. I wanted to run away screaming. But would my legs let me? Hell no. Oh how my lungs started kicking in when I relised I wasn't breathing; but they granted access, but the air came into my mouth like 10 year old fans at a Jonas Brother's concert 1.

Alas, the plantman heard the gasp, he spotted me.

Oh gad. Oh gad. Oh gad!

I munna diiie!

Zetsu licked his lips free from any seeping blood, smirking as he did so. His scary yellow eyes... They bore so creepily into mine. Can I run now? But I won't be able to do it quick enough. He caught me from behind in the blink of an eye. Arms around my churning, tight tummy.

"Why hello, my dear, what're you doing so far from the rest of the world?" Asked a kind voice from my captor.

_"Won't you please stay for dessert." _Asked a much colder tone.

I was dead silent. I couldn't speak nor move. I feared for my life. Can I run now? I thought not.

"Please be kind enough to stay. We would love some company..."

_"Especially some one so scrumptious looking as you."_

"And cute too"

Alright. Who's who, now? I am playing this by ear. One side sounded nice, somewhat, but the other held a cold tone. Why? I have no idea. Bad Zetsu, bad!

"Alright?" I will try to fight my way out with major coaxing and trickery.

"Splendid." Said the nice side.

"And... Dare I ask, what's for 'Dinner'?"

Human. Of course. Well... Might as well try to escape. Bleh... I am so gonna wash my mouth out with soap after this...

TT

"Yummy." I offer a disgusting face, he ignores it.

_"C'mon, dear, sit." _He smirked.

I sat in front of the corpse. I cringed.

"Well, my dear? Dig in." He said trying to test my loyalty and stupidity. I also have this feeling he wants to fatten me up for "Dessert".

"Is that a fat-joke?" I glare.

I shrug. Better to get this done and over with. I grab a nice tender hunk of... Like hell I know the anatomy of a Human body. Well it was a hunk of something... I hesitantly rip a bit of it off with my inhuman-ish teeth.

Holy hell. Well butter my muffin! That's yummy! My eyes widen.  
I think I just became half cannibal! Yay!

I scarf more of it in my mouth.

But the face Zetsu made was the highlight of my day.

But as I was eating my fill of aud human, I couldn't help but think of that song, "A Little Priest" from Sweeney Todd. Boy, I love that man.

I managed to escape with the shock of Zetsu on my side. But apparently the good lord was on my side as well. I managed to find the exit! Wooooo! Who knew this hideout was so easy to navigate in?

I haven't been able to stretch my legs in the outside air for such a long time (Be it, 2 or 3 days IS a long time for me) and being cooked up in this madhouse is thus not cool.

I exasperatingly walk outside into the sunlight and almost melt. I'm sure my skin looks dead from here. Pro'lly so pale, it looks blue. Like... Maguro.

:D

--Hee-Yuk!-- I heard from a few points to the left of me, some where in the bushes.

WTF mates?

Hell, Curiosity Killed the Cat. Ah. Just two low life squirrels, that aren't in any of my squads.

--Squirrel, you seen that new Chipmunk-Chick? I'd bury mah acorn in that hole ANY DAY!--

--SHOOT I'd hit that like ROAD KILL!--

Racist morons!

And in the moment, another squirrel came along.

--Mang you wanna hit somethin'? Let's go hit some carpet.--

--You best be checkin' out his momma! Squirrel seen so many NUTS she done packed her mouth full!--

Racist Bastards!

--Ha! Ha! It's so fun to be borderline racist and derogatory. You just gotta change the CONTEXT! What a clever and NOT obnoxious marketing campaign.--

--Nia Please.--

"RACIST SON'S OF BITCHES!" And they went flying. I kicked them. I couldn't stand their unadulterated stupidity any longer. Like hell they were getting away with that!

But something else was still gonna happen.

+Th-thank you ma'am.+

Wait. This is the first time I ever heard that voice.

+The forest was gettin' quite noisy with those rodents around...+

"Who're you?"

I swing around to face the cutest little weasel looking thing you ever saw! He was pure white, but not albino, he was like a domesticated Ermine! He had the CUTEST little British-Oliver Twist-voice!

I stared at him for a while. He had those questioning eyes on me, asking why I was looking at him with such weirdness.

"Who-Who're you?" I stutter out.

+Oh, pardon me, ma'am, my name is Kevin. Would you be as so kind as to state your name? If you may?+

Holy cow. He is so polite...

oo

"Chi..."

+Chi, ma'am? Is that what you said?+

I just nodded.

+Ah, thank you greatly, Ms. Chi! I hope to see you in the future!+

Hell no, he isn't getting away that easily! I grab him and place him in my cloak. He squeaks in surprise. I walk away like there isn't a squirming thing down my chest.

+Ma'am! What's the problem?+

"You are the cutest damn thing I have ever seen! I shall make you your very own position!"

+Position, Ma'am?+

"Ever wanted to work for the forest government?"

+I've never really given it much thought...+

"Screw it, you are comin' with me. I mean, what's better than living _for _the forest? I am sure you'll like it in my commanding army."

+Uhmn... +

"Just accept it, son."

+Son...?+

"It's an expre--"

+I've never had a mother before... Pray thee Ma'am... Am I your son?+

He had those adorable black void like eyes clear, boring into mine's. Holy cow... How utterly cute. How could I resist?!

"Yes..." I had tears in my eyes, it sounded like something from a movie! HOW CUTE!

+Th-thank you... Mum...+

I hugged Kevin so closely and started singing "Nothing's gonna harm you. Not while I'm around" from Sweeney Todd. Yay. I gots me an adorable lil' Ermine, named KEVIN!

It's been an hour and Kevin went wondering around. I didn't trust him to go alone so for some random twist of fate, I ordered the Lemur to look after him. Oh, how stupid was I?

"DAMNIT, UN!"

_THUMP!_

_CRASH!_

_S'PLODE!_

"F.CK! KEVIN I'M COMIN' FOR YA', CHILD!"

I race off to where I heard Deidara yell. I knew Kevin somehow got into the pantry, and Deidara just happened to want a nice cup of Maruchan Instant Ramen which is IN the pantry, and all those little things that cause life to be so wonderful.

"Deidara..."

Frick. What the heck happened here?

Deidara, on the floor, looking like burnt toast, swirly-eyed, and foaming at the mouth. Did his clay work against him or...? There was also burn marks on the walls and floors.

"Noodle. Who did this?"

I... I-I have no...

"Noodle, you're stammering."

Noodle was silent as we blankly stared at Deidara's seemingly lifeless corpse. Thank the lord he was still semi alive.

+Mum!+ I flip around to face Kevin.

His alien like eyes weren't the same. They were blank, literally white. But until he blinked and they turned back to those voids that suck you in.

+Mum! He-He tried to ...+ He made a s'plodie noise, flailing his stumpy arms, +and I didn't know what to do! He tried to kill me!+ He was crying, +I-I didn't mean to... to... hurt him... Is he special to you?+

"No, no, no, shhh. Calm down, my son. He meant to hurt you, you had... every right to ... what did you do, again?"

+I-I don't know. It happens on self-defense...+

"Well that's all we need to know for now, until later. Now what did you want form here?"

+Those crackers next to the Maruchan stuff.+

I grab the box and hand it to Kevin but it was too big for him to hold so it tipped over and fell on him. I didn't notice, I was too busy figuring out a good enough way to take Deidara back to his room in the most embarrassing way for him imaginable. Meh. I decide to just carry him, and not worry about anything for a while. I could just sleep right now.

I grab on to Deidara's feet and drag him out the Kitchen and into his apparent room. I feel a pang of truce and decide to sympathize with Deidara.

Each room has a bathroom. That's a good thing. I snatch a rag from the sink's towel holders and dab it with a hearty amount of water. I start with the foam at his lips and complete working on the soot smeared on his face. Well I can honestly say the cloak is ruined, it's a good thing the Leader gives us three cloaks at a time. His under clothes (which I find to be quite gay) 2 seemed to be ay-okay so I tuck him in and turn out the lights 'til he wakes up.

Whatthehell was that? Did I just act motherly towards the Clayman? I sure as hell HOPE no one saw that.

"Goddamn, you're an asshole." I glare.

Eventfully, Zetsu caught a glimpse of my taking care of Deidara, and decided to use it against me. Blackmail, b.tches.

"I'm sorry, dear."

_"But it was too good to pass up."_

"You're an asshole." I repeat, "You're just sore I flaked on you!"

"Flaked on whom?" I magically heard this voice. One that was all too familiar.

"M-Master?"

"What'd you do, Chi? You were with Zetsu?"

"Uh..."

_"And she was with--"_

I slam my calf into the side of his head in a roundhouse kick, namely standing on my hands, he went flying out the door, that was open thanks to Itachi, "YOUR HUSBAND'S CALLIN' YA'!" And he was out of the picture.

"What was he going to say, Chi?"

"Uh..."

I ran out of the room after that.

"CHI!"

**Numbers**

**1 Le Jonas Brothers. Damn whores if you ask me. SORRY if any of you (Jonas Fans) decide to READ this, 'cause to be totally frank, I despise them. What? You now hate me? Well cry my a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Haha, I'm kidding. I love you all. **

**2 As most of you may or may not know, I love Deidara. Check my Home page thing, I just COULDN'T stand Chi always hurting his feelings, why? Cause I love him. And I think his out fit is NOT completely gay, it works for him.**

**;D**


	6. Chapter 6

Hello I'm friend of Pixel Alice

Hello I'm friend of Pixel Alice. She is forever banded from the computer until she is 18, which will be 5 years. You will never hear from her for 5 years or when until she moves out of the house and get her own computer. Thank you.


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